Monday, October 17, 2011

I'm suing you, Mr. President...for my therapy sessions.

I've been mulling this idea for months - suing President Obama. It's time to make my move. You see, he's made me schizoid... or schizophrenic...I can't decide. Is that bad to say? I don't want to be less than PC when explaining my symptoms and why I find it necessary to sue and why he is culpable. 

Schizoid personality disorder (SPD) is a personality disorder characterized by a lack of interest in social relationships, a tendency towards a solitary lifestyle, secretiveness, emotional coldness and sometimes (sexual) apathy, with a simultaneous rich, elaborate and exclusively internal fantasy world.[1] SPD is not the same as schizophrenia, although they share some similar characteristics such as detachment or blunted affect.

Let's first parse the schizoid personality disorder. 

1. Sometimes I do have a lack of interest in social relationships particularly if they're with Obama apologists who have deified this man beyond all reason. If one were generous, one could call them Optimists, but I am not so generous. I think they're deluded. 

2. Okay - "a tendency towards a solitary lifestyle" - I would have to say that's true if only to protect myself from political crazies and Optimists. It's best to hunker down with some good beer and catch up on Arrested Development. 

3. Next up -"secretiveness, emotional coldness and sometimes (sexual) apathy" - Well, secretive I am not. Ask me anything and I will tell you. And then you'll wish you hadn't. Emotional coldness? This one's crucial when it comes to shielding myself from reacting to every single Obama disappointment. Sadly, the disappointment started inauguration day and I've been in a cold 'disappointment' bubble ever since. Hmmm, sexual apathy? That could be worth big bucks when I sue, right? 

 4. However! A "rich, elaborate and exclusively internal fantasy world" - Big Time! 

I painfully go over each and every missed opportunity Obama could have/should have what if he just stood up for single payer and had to settle for the public option? What if he hadn't met with Big Pharma and cozied up to insurance companies? What if he had listened to Paul Volker instead of those Wall St. sycophants, Geithner and Summers? How the hell did he deserve the Peace Prize? I spent a lot of time on that...kind of looking for a lost penny in the sand. The Nobel committee must have been star struck. What if he had prosecuted just a few of his criminal banking friends and aggressively regulated derivatives? I fantasize about how $16 million buys 'friendship' -  the amount Obama has taken from Wall St. thugs. Sometimes I go way back to fantasize about why Obama increased Iraq war funding when he always said he was against the war. The number of 'whys' are legion and the gnawing at my psyche is sending me over the edge. But the biggest fantasy of all, (insert violins and angels singing) I'm sure shared by millions, is the heavenly fantasy of Obama kicking-ass in his second term. Possible? Probable? Time will tell but No Guts No Glory, Mr. President. I'm all over the place with this but you can see how I might be schizoid.  

Moving right along to schizophrenia.

Schizophrenia (play /ˌskɪtsɵˈfrɛniə/ or /ˌskɪtsɵˈfrniə/) is a mental disorder characterized by a disintegration of thought processes and of emotional responsiveness.[1] It most commonly manifests itself as auditory hallucinations, paranoid or bizarre delusions, or disorganized speech and thinking, and it is accompanied by significant social or occupational dysfunction.   

I hope to god this isn't where I'm headed but it may be too late as Obama keeps piling on with Bushian alacrity. What's up with these 'free trade' deals? But wait! That 'disorganized speech and thinking' symptom...doesn't it make you think of the kooks running for the Republican nomination not to mention those muddled-headed bigots called the Tea Party? They are giving schizophrenia quite the bad name.  

My most disturbing burden, though, is philosophical, what I call 'The Dilemma'. The Dilemma is not whether to vote for a Republican instead of Obama; The Dilemma is how badly am I compromising my shabby morals to vote for someone who betrayed me? I am so troubled by The Dilemma that I reached out to my son to help me. He's got a PhD in philosophy so I begged him to find a philosopher for me who can assuage my disquieted soul, someone who will tell me how disgustingly human I am by spinning excuses to vote for O. Obama is like a bad boyfriend who seduces you with a flashy smile (oh, wasn't he adorable?!), whispers meringues of sweet nothings (which it turns out they were...nothing), a hot bod (remember that pic in Hawaii?) and promises you the world with the "C" word, "We will Change the world." (Obama at the Pennsylvania Capitol, Saturday, April 19, 2008) This guy was different. So I happily, dreamily got in the symbolic bed - the voting booth - with him (no sexual apathy here!) And then he dumped me. Just. Like. That. On day one. How dare he have Rick Warren give the invocation at his inauguration? 

You can see how badly I need therapy. Maybe you do, too? So, I'm going to sue the President, the White House, the entire administration and his ass-wipe advisors for malfeasance, for taking a gigantic mandate - from middle-class Democrats, progressives, Republicans, blacks, Latinos, women, people who had never felt moved to vote before who registered and voted...students, young people, old people, if dogs could've voted they would have...everyone came out to vote. It was the biggest party, the most positive, charged, electric global, hopeful atmosphere. People were joyful, elated that they rode this prophet, of Hope and Change, to victory on their shoulders, happy to carry this man, this harbinger of better days, after their months and months of hard work and devotion, and love - to victory. To a victory that was squandered by inexperience, arrogance and Obama's weakest link, a pathological need to be liked. As Eric Alterman writes in the Nation Magazine, "Financial Times columnist Martin Wolf has complained of Obama—accurately, in my view—that he “wishes to be President of a country that does not exist. In his fantasy, US politicians bury differences in bipartisan harmony.”" As smart as people says Obama is, he doesn't seem able to pick up the cues of defeat. Or is it pride, the worst sin of all? Are we going to hell in a hand basket because of a prideful President who believes his early reviews?  

And here's exactly how schizoid I am. My last post was about forgetting all of this angst and getting on with it...just work your ass off to get O re-elected: We don't have a choice. And because that choice is so limited, because it compromises my already beleaguered morals, my torment rages on. What to do? What to do?

Say, is your finger also on the dial to your therapist? Are you feeling schizoid, too? Maybe we could join up to file a middle-class-action lawsuit. I did consider raising money for therapy on Kickstarter but I couldn't figure out what I would give for someone's donation...old Obama posters? I have a ton of them, some even signed. No, I'm going direct to the source. He owes me.

My song for Obama: 

Baby baby
Baby, don't leave me
Oh, please don't leave me
All by myself

I've got this burnin', burnin', yearnin'
Feelin' inside me
Ooh, deep inside me
And it hurts so bad

You came into my heart (baby baby)
So tenderly
With a burnin' love (baby baby)
That stings like a bee (baby baby)

Now that I surrender (baby baby)
So helplessly,
You now wanna leave (baby baby)
Ooh, you wanna leave me (baby baby)

Ooh, baby baby baby,
Where did our love go?
Oh, don't you want me? (baby baby)
Don't you want me no more? (baby baby)
Ooh, baby

Baby baby,
Where did our love go?
And all your promises (baby baby)
Of a love forever more? (baby baby)

I've got this burnin', burnin', yearnin'
Feelin' inside me
Ooh, deep inside me (baby baby)
And it hurts so bad (baby baby)

Before you won my heart, (baby baby)
You were a perfect guy
But now that you got me, (baby baby)
You wanna leave me behind (baby baby)

Ooh, baby baby baby,
Baby, don't leave me
Oh, please don't leave me (baby baby)
All by myself (baby baby)