Tuesday, January 17, 2012

How to Motivate Democrats. Think Pod People.

Ok, Dems, you have just been handed the most compelling motivational tool of all time...and it's FREEEEE!! Did you watch the South Carolina GOP debate last night? Did your blood pressure skyrocket? Did you jump off the couch and shout at the television? Well, I did and so did my friends who were watching with me. We even had to rewind because we weren't sure we heard right. But we did. This debate, my friends, is the best motivational tool we have. It should be required viewing by every Democrat and Progressive and by everyone who has a brain. No, the Republican candidates do not have brains but I will get to that later. 

While the candidates were infuriating, blathering neanderthals, what was really troubling was the mob mentality of the audience. Close your eyes and you could picture them storming the  poor house, their flaming cudgels raised high, fangs bared, screeching for the heads of all poor people - white, black, brown, pink, blue, whatever - poor immigrants,  paupers and, you may as well throw in, liberals. To them, the poor are the bloodsuckers of society who threaten their conservative, righteous place on their God's good earth. Yes, those people who rose to their feet when Gingrich excoriated the needy were the scariest of all. These people are the reason all Democrats, lapsed or otherwise, should be scared straight off their duffs to volunteer day and night for President Obama's re-election.

Now, back to the candidates. They do not have brains because - and it can now be revealed - they are Pod people disguised as GOP people. Remember Invasion of the Body Snatchers? Here's a little bit about them:

The Pod People are a race of nomadic, extraterrestrial parasites originating from a now dying planet. Realizing that it was only a matter of time before the planet's resources would be completely depleted, the pods somehow evolved the ability to defy gravity and leave their planet's atmosphere in the search of a new world to colonize. For millennia, the pods floated in space like spores, propelled by the solar winds, some occasionally landing on inhabited planets. Once there, they would replace the dominant species by spawning emotionless replicas; the original bodies would then disintegrate into dust once the duplication process was completed. They would then consume all of the planet's resources, only to then leave in search of yet another new world.
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The Pods' sole purpose in life was that of individual survival, with no attention given to the civilizations they conquered or the resources they squandered.

And, try as hard as he might to disguise himself as a human, Mitt Romney is, not surprisingly, the holy Pod leader. Poke him and there's nothing there but a flip-flopping semblance of a real person, a Pod calculating how to fit in with humanity but, with no center, he blows this way and that depending on the direction of the solar wind. It is evident that the GOP Pods want to scorch the earth. Pod Perry, Pod Santorum, Pod Gingrich, Pod Paul, Pod Romney whipped the human(?) audience into a frenzy which makes one wonder...are they not Pods, too? 

Listen, Democrats, this election is a fight for our planet. Don't be complacent. Make no mistake, the GOP Pods WILL scorch the earth and take civil liberties along with it. It is our human time to make sure that doesn't happen. Where's the wonderful Kevin McCarthy when we need him?

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