ALASKAN GOP FAMILY VALUES
Britney's sister, unmarried mom, Jamie Lynn Spears, was thrilled to hear that Bristol Palin, 17, is unmarried and pregnant, and laughingly admonished Bristol by asking, "What took you so long?! I did it when I was 16!" Jamie turned serious and offered to mentor Bristol, and immediately offered advice, "Hey, why marry the dude, he'll just be a ball and chain for your social life. Oh, I heard your mom was running for Vice President. I'm sure she's so proud that you're making her a grandma at this time. Hey, text me whenever...I'll get back to you as soon my mom relieves me of this little toy, I mean boy."
MITT ROMNEY TO ENDORSE OBAMA
A shock and a shudder rippled through the Republican party, as assumptive nominee for VP, Mitt Romney announced that he would endorse Barack Obama for President siting John McCain's colossal lack of judgment in passing him over for Sarah "faux Hillary Clinton" Palin. He did not throw a hissy fit, however, and maintained his Ken doll affect when he said, "What a senile old coot. That's the last thing we need in the White House...a woman." Romney was immediately informed of Sarah Palin's impending grandparenthood, and released a terse statement: "Congratulations to Sarah Palin for being such an awesome mother."
HA, HA, HA...YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING
In Wasilla, Pregnancy was no secret
"Well, here's the deal: small towns have their own value systems, and in this situation those values are more a lot more valid than the dispassionate, pushy inquisitiveness that political journalism encourages."
Puhlease. This 'unbiased' journalist is actually spinning that in small towns it's cool to have unsafe, teenage sex, get pregnant, be unmarried, and the press should lay off, and the mother of said pregnant, unmarried teen is McCain's VP choice? This guy should get sober before he writes up his stuff.