Thursday, September 19, 2013

A Two State Solution. For The Taliban GOP/Tea Party & Everyone Else.

You think the Middle East is locked in a cultural stalemate? Heh, look in your own backyard. If this isn't a clone of the Israeli/Palestinian deadlock, I don't know what is. The Taliban Tea Party - hey, you have to admire how much power they wield for such an incoherent minority - has driven this country to the brink of madness and the only way to fix this is just like the Middle East. The only solution is a two state solution. Here it is: Give them the South - except for Louisiana because we don't them to fuck up New Orleans.

Ok, so there are some nice folks in the South. We'll give them ample time to get themselves together to emigrate to the Normal North. Then, we will build a 'separation barrier', as it's called in Israel, exactly like the wall they have between Israel and the West Bank, and exactly like the one them Tea Baggers want along the border with Mexico. Nobody will bother them. They can carry on and do whatever the fuck they please, shoot guns at will, use magic potions for healthcare and thrive on a meth-based economy. President Ted Cruz can even be the paternal, insane dictator of the United States of Tea Party he so desperately wants to be and those Tea Baggers can say god whenever they goddam please and pray all day long...cause they're gonna need it.

The Two State Solution can't come soon enough because, just as the Middle East can explode at any time, so too, can this cultural ticking time bomb between the Tea Baggers and Everyone Else erupt while we are all passively sitting around wringing our hands. 

I wrote about the Taliban Tea Party back on April 8, 2011 and here it is again as it still stands:

Tea Party Taliban Imposing Sharia-like Law

With the imminent shutdown of the government by the Teabaggers - make no mistake, they are the ones whose intractability is pushing this country to the brink - they are beginning to look a lot like a cult enacting their own type of Sharia law by imposing their repressive and regressive moral code onto all of us 'non-believers'. NO health screenings for women, NO sex education in school, NO abortion counseling or abortion funding NO matter how you got pregnant, NO arts funding, "Waste of money!", NO learning to read, write or 'rithmetic, "Cut education funding. Now!" It's the uneducated hating to learn anything because it might upset their vacuous core 'values'. And god forbid anyone else should read a book and find out that the Philistine Teabaggers are all full of shit. NO climate change. NO birth certificate. NO government. NONONONONO. 

So, the Tea Party is taking a page out of the Al Qaeda handbook. For al-Qaeda, Sharia represents a perfect system for ordering human affairs. And for the Taliban Tea Party, that is exactly how they want the system to be: no room for diversity of thought, a strict adherence to their commandments or punishment by slow asphyxiation of the mind by depriving one of books, classrooms and learning. They want a country devoid of creative thinking, going down the slippery slope to next banning hip hop, all languages but bad English, and just shooting immigrants on site.

Wikipedia calls the Tea party an American populist party and goes on to describe Populism, as a political philosophy urging social and political system change that favors "the people" over "the elites", or favors the common people over the rich and wealthy business owners. Read that, per the Tea Party, as deriding anything that can help “the people” like crushing collective bargaining (I wonder if they know about the Triangle Fire and other apocalyptic worker tragedies and child labor that would still be going on today if it weren’t for collective bargaining aka unions.) And read that as the Tea Party turning the other cheek with regard to obscene corporations, “the elites” (the Kochs), making out like Jesse James in Vegas. As usual, they have everything ass-backwards. 

Here’s their mission from their website: “A community committed to standing together, shoulder to shoulder, to protect our country and the Constitution upon which we were founded!” Yes! With an exclamation mark 'n all! It’s like somebody in grade two wrote it. Or the Republican caucus. Meaningless drivel, and yet the political muscle of their miniscule minions is stupefying.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Can we grant free passage to Quebec's PQ and their new Charter of Values?

Joe Markowitz said...

This is a joke, right? We fought the Civil War to prevent what you are suggesting from happening. And had it gone into effect then, we would not have a nation today, and the Germans would be ruling Europe. If put into effect now, this two state "solution" would condemn black people in the south, who in many places are close to half the population, to return to second class citizenship.

jll2000 said...

Joe -
The joke is the GOP and the Tea Party. Hard to imagine you took this literally but I guess you did as you responded with historical conjecture. Do you really think the U.S. wouldn't be a nation without all 51 states? Or that the mighty United States, alone, saved Europe from the Nazis? But back to the piece, I wrote that people who didn't want to live under projected-President Ted Cruz, that they would have plenty of time to relocate. Nobody would be left behind. Of course, this is strictly fantasy, Joe...as I'm sure you realize. And fantasy allows us to make our world more livable, at least in our minds.

Joe Markowitz said...

I figured you did not mean this to be taken literally, but I couldn't help commenting in case anybody did take it literally. Whenever people talk casually about how we should have let the confederate states leave the union or should cut them loose now, I feel the need to point out that we fought a war over that issue and that it was worth fighting. And it's not that we need every single state, but once you allow for the possibility that states can leave at will it wouldn't take long before the union split into five or six pieces. And in that case we would not have fought either World War I or World War II and it would be open season on blacks, Jews and every other minority. The idea of union is very powerful. We're all in this together, whatever we think of the tea party or any other party.

jll2000 said...

Joe -
Hmmm, you don't have much faith in the electorate if you think that someone might take this seriously. Seriously. That's my pervue. The glorious United States would have survived just fine if the confederate states were cut loose. The country/union is too big to govern as it is. Do you mean to say that countries like the UK or France have open season on Jews, blacks, et al because they're small? I'm just having trouble with this line of thought.

Joe Markowitz said...

In the 1930's there was a lot of isolationist sentiment and outright German sympathizers, particularly in the Midwest. So if we had already cut the Confederacy loose, the Midwest probably would have broken loose also over that issue, if it hadn't broken loose already. The west, being far from Europe, probably wouldn't have been too interested in fighting any wars there either. So the job of defeating Hitler would have fallen almost entirely on the Soviet Union, since whatever was left of the US would have been too weak to be of much help. And in that case who would have stood up for minorities or other oppressed people? After the UK was defeated, and the US was too weak to intervene? The Russians? France? Ha!

Pirate said...

Unfortunately, as a recruited football player I spent 4 years attending college in South Carolina, the armpit of America. I think this Two State idea is absolutely on the money. However I'd extend it out to include Texas, New Mexico, Arizona, Colorado & Utah, because God knows these states are as politically retarded as the Deep South.

Pirate said...

As a recruited football recruit I attended college for four years in South Carolina, the armpit of America. Consequently, I think this Two State Solution is absolutely on the money. However, I'd extend coverage to include the states of Texas (home of any number of whack-a-dos), Arizona (let's here it for a governor with a single digit IQ), Colorado & Utah. That way we pretty much rid ourselves of these nut-bags.

jll2000 said...

Hi Pirate -
The map, above, of the South includes Texas but Arizona has New Mexico inbetween and wouldn't make for a cohesive union; hence it wasn't included. I know...too bad, but we can make the immigration policy real easy for those who want to emigrate.

I'm sorry for your time spent in SC but you seem to have emerged with most of your mind (always leave a little wiggle room) intact.

Please feel free to pass along this idea. Who knows, perhaps the South shall rise again!

Unknown said...

All jokes aside, this doesn't work in Israel, why would it work here? Plus I enjoy Ft. Lauderdale, New Orleans and Austin.

jll2000 said...

Not sure what two states you're talking about but it hasn't exactly been tried in Israel yet. Yes, as I wrote, I exempted Louisiana because of New Orleans. The others you could still visit...passport required to go thru Taliban Tea Party Land.

Anonymous said...

Can you add El Paso, TX to the Normal North? It is definitely not Conservative like the rest of TX. Pretty consistently and strongly blue, plus it's right on the border w/ NM so the change maintains the cohesiveness of your map!